Why I missed class this morning:
Well folks, I´ve done it again, Big Time. I decided this mornin g to try to take the metro to school. So - I went to the station, hopped on the blue line 5, as per instructed. But it was the line 5 express. the bullet train. It took me all the way to Villanova without a stop - which, for those of you as Barcelona clueless as I apparently am, is an hour in the wrong direction. Here´s the section of my journal from my ¨side trip¨
Classes are starting now and I´m just starting my trip back towards town. I won´t be there until about 11¨00. I feel so incredibly stupid! And sick. I felt better lost walking yesterday. At least then I could control where I was going. But it´s out o fmy control now. Completely my fault, but out of my control. I dont´even know how I managed to do it. I saw the 5 and figured I was right. All part of getting used to a city, i guess. I´m happy to be heading back ot the right place. Other people seem to manage just fine - but the others came from cities with metros. It´s a stressfull day already - 1st day with students, 1st day teaching, I have to call the bank today, which requires finding a phone I can use, and hoping my calling card works - and NOW I´m an hour outside the city, with another 20 minute metro ride to go until I get to the school. And the train doesn´t have a bathroom. And I feel like throwing up. But the view is beautiful and the people are nice. I feel so damned stupid. But I didn´t cry - although I did panic when I realized I was going in the wrong direction and couldnt´get off. Spain is beautiful. I like the smaller cities better than Barcelona. Palm trees, sand, ocean, clay tile roofs and bright red flowering bushes, contrasting the white buildings. Much more laid back. Yesterday I compared Barcelona to NYC and Charlotte, big city with a small town feel. It´s true except that I think Barcelona has mroe style than both of those other cities.
I think the mornings are the hardest here. When I wake up in a place that´s not home to walk thru a city that´s strange to me. That´s the time when I realize I´m so far away from eveyrone and everything that I love. I don´t know how I feel about teaching a year in another country. I don´t know if I could waike up in a strange place for a year. I´m sure eventually it will be come more like home, but it will never be home. I have a good time when I´m witht he others, but by myself , it´s endlessly lonely. The people are so nice and welcoming, the weather is perfect and the sights are amaxing. But without someone to share them with. I don´t know. I dont miss Kalamazoo, I dont´miss my job (sorry, but it´s true). But I miss my friends and family. I have an extra month to do and see - but what´s the point if I don´t have somoene to do and see with? That´s not to say I wont´go, but I don´t know, maybe I´ll look for a job back in the States. I´ll have to check the web pages and see what´s Available. I know they´ll help me find a job anywhere - but I don´t know where to go. Sitges is an amazing city from what I can tell by the train. I´m such an idiot. Poeple will laught at the American country grill, there are worse things. You´ll knock them dead in other ways - if you ever make it to the school. Right now I just feel like being home.
Yesterday though - I loved being here. we walked down to the marina, down the Ramblas - there were some many people! And plenty of Human Statues. It was nice, but not pretty. What was beautiful was the c hurch.
We walked down this gothic side street, there ws a clarinet player playing Över the Rainbow and down the way a choir was singing a capella. And right across from the choir was the entrance to a church. The stone arched at lest 13 feet, with big gated doors- and framed by the arch was a lush courtyard, with trees and fountains and ducks and geese. All contained by more scrolling iron. Around the courtyard fence was a stone walkway leading to the various chapels, there must have been 15 chapels. And one door, opening up to the cavernous sanctuary - the butresses were amazing in detail! Stained glass reflections painted the gray walls bright with color. There were signs requesting silence, but you couldn´t speak. The sight took your breath away. The organ was monstrous. Someone was practicing on it, running scales and arpegios, sending chills up my spine. Dershna (a girl from class) said last time she was here there was scaffolding up. But ti was down now, exposing this rich mahagony colored woodwork, so intricate in detail. It was truly spectacular.
now, after writing and thinking about other things I dont´mind so much that I missed class. It´s not a choice I would make again, but it´s given me time, some minutes to sit and see and write. We aren´t quite back to the ciyt yet, but we will be eventually. Someone started playing guitar - a Dean martin tune. I like this train ride.
Classes are starting now and I´m just starting my trip back towards town. I won´t be there until about 11¨00. I feel so incredibly stupid! And sick. I felt better lost walking yesterday. At least then I could control where I was going. But it´s out o fmy control now. Completely my fault, but out of my control. I dont´even know how I managed to do it. I saw the 5 and figured I was right. All part of getting used to a city, i guess. I´m happy to be heading back ot the right place. Other people seem to manage just fine - but the others came from cities with metros. It´s a stressfull day already - 1st day with students, 1st day teaching, I have to call the bank today, which requires finding a phone I can use, and hoping my calling card works - and NOW I´m an hour outside the city, with another 20 minute metro ride to go until I get to the school. And the train doesn´t have a bathroom. And I feel like throwing up. But the view is beautiful and the people are nice. I feel so damned stupid. But I didn´t cry - although I did panic when I realized I was going in the wrong direction and couldnt´get off. Spain is beautiful. I like the smaller cities better than Barcelona. Palm trees, sand, ocean, clay tile roofs and bright red flowering bushes, contrasting the white buildings. Much more laid back. Yesterday I compared Barcelona to NYC and Charlotte, big city with a small town feel. It´s true except that I think Barcelona has mroe style than both of those other cities.
I think the mornings are the hardest here. When I wake up in a place that´s not home to walk thru a city that´s strange to me. That´s the time when I realize I´m so far away from eveyrone and everything that I love. I don´t know how I feel about teaching a year in another country. I don´t know if I could waike up in a strange place for a year. I´m sure eventually it will be come more like home, but it will never be home. I have a good time when I´m witht he others, but by myself , it´s endlessly lonely. The people are so nice and welcoming, the weather is perfect and the sights are amaxing. But without someone to share them with. I don´t know. I dont miss Kalamazoo, I dont´miss my job (sorry, but it´s true). But I miss my friends and family. I have an extra month to do and see - but what´s the point if I don´t have somoene to do and see with? That´s not to say I wont´go, but I don´t know, maybe I´ll look for a job back in the States. I´ll have to check the web pages and see what´s Available. I know they´ll help me find a job anywhere - but I don´t know where to go. Sitges is an amazing city from what I can tell by the train. I´m such an idiot. Poeple will laught at the American country grill, there are worse things. You´ll knock them dead in other ways - if you ever make it to the school. Right now I just feel like being home.
Yesterday though - I loved being here. we walked down to the marina, down the Ramblas - there were some many people! And plenty of Human Statues. It was nice, but not pretty. What was beautiful was the c hurch.
We walked down this gothic side street, there ws a clarinet player playing Över the Rainbow and down the way a choir was singing a capella. And right across from the choir was the entrance to a church. The stone arched at lest 13 feet, with big gated doors- and framed by the arch was a lush courtyard, with trees and fountains and ducks and geese. All contained by more scrolling iron. Around the courtyard fence was a stone walkway leading to the various chapels, there must have been 15 chapels. And one door, opening up to the cavernous sanctuary - the butresses were amazing in detail! Stained glass reflections painted the gray walls bright with color. There were signs requesting silence, but you couldn´t speak. The sight took your breath away. The organ was monstrous. Someone was practicing on it, running scales and arpegios, sending chills up my spine. Dershna (a girl from class) said last time she was here there was scaffolding up. But ti was down now, exposing this rich mahagony colored woodwork, so intricate in detail. It was truly spectacular.
now, after writing and thinking about other things I dont´mind so much that I missed class. It´s not a choice I would make again, but it´s given me time, some minutes to sit and see and write. We aren´t quite back to the ciyt yet, but we will be eventually. Someone started playing guitar - a Dean martin tune. I like this train ride.
posted by Chandi at 3:45 AM
4 Comments:
Om Shanti Shanti Shanti... Remeber that Chandi. I know the loneliness of which you speak. You are right, it's hard to be in such a beautiful place and have no one to share it with, but you are sharing it with us, and that is beautiful. I think you are being too hard on yourself. It's a challenge to be in a big city like that, mistakes are bound to happen. Remember to breathe and things will be as they will be. Keep on trucking!
Thanks Todd - It´s so hard to find that peace and know that things will be fine when they are going so wrong! But things are moving along. Like I said, it´s the mornings that are the hardest. the evenings and afternoons are full of wonderful people and food and things. I think tomorrow I´ll get it right. Tomorrow my goal is to NOT get lost on the way to school :) But I see so much more when I do. Maybe I´ll start getting lost on purpose!
If I recall one way to not get lost is to follow your nose. Each district has it's own smells, and especially the SE portion, and those close to the sea have wind currents that help to maintain direction. Looking for some peace, try this out. http://wahiduddin.net/mantra/gayatri.htm
Todd is right, you're being too hard on yourself (as usual). You need to strive for imperfection, so you can be pleasantly surprised when you achieve perfection. It sounds like your little side trip turned out to be just what you needed. And now you know you can handle being lost without crying. :0)
BTW, thanks for the link Todd, I enjoyed it. Tina Malia does a really nice version of the Gayatri.
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