A Year? No - it can't have been
Yep - it's pretty darned close to a year since I started this whole adventure. An adventure packed year that has brought me, where else, back home. I would try to sum up that year in profound pondering, but instead, as usual, I'll just give you an update.
I'm done with my first year of teaching as of tomorrow. I've completed 9 months, and put them behind me, and in the process met new people and enjoyed new ideas and challenges. I can't say that it has changed me, and perhaps that's a good thing. Perhaps the lack of change this job has caused me is a sign of just how much I am meant to be there. Just how perfect this fit is.
I know that I have a lot to learn as a teacher, but the joy of teaching is learning every day. The joy of teaching comes not only from watching the light bulbs come on over students heads, but also your own. From both those moments of reflection where you are oh-so-excited about this moment of brilliance you had, and those moments when you truly feel you have failed those thirty faces looking back at you. It comes from the constant, minute to minute self-reflection that is required in this job, the cranking of the gears in your brain, as you try to discover whether you have met the needs of all the students, or just a few, if any at all.
It's a frustrating job, and I'm not going to lie to you, I'm tired. I'm burned out from hours of dedicating myself and my work, and pouring my ideas onto paper only to have them work great one hour and then fall flat another. I'm exhausted from the constant demand the students put on me, and the never ending desire to raise the bar even higher, to reach out to new levels, and impact more people. But the exhaustion I feel now isn't the kind I used to get at the end of a day in a cubicle. It's mental exhaustion with a kick back, I impacted someone. I can change the way I did this and it would be better, or I can say things differently next time. Because, although we never get a chance to do things exactly over again, although time moves on, dragging us along with it, we do get the chance to try anew, every hour, every day, which is a constant reminder that life goes on and each hour of every day is equally important. Sometimes I think teaching teaches me more than it teaches the students, and I'm not sure if that's good or not.
But I LOVE learning.
And I'm madly in love with life. Both the smooth days and the ones full of hurdles. Sometimes the latter more so than the former.
And there's my profound pondering that I promised you I wouldn't do. I guess I can't escape it.
Speaking of not escaping - I'll have these flashbacks, when the light hits my sunglasses a certain way, or somebody says something, and suddenly I'm sitting back on the balcony of the school in Spain, looking out at the courtyard below, and feeling so happy to be there. And although it's just a moment, it still leaves me happy to be where I am, despite the fact that I'm not off rambling through some far off country, I may be walking from the car to work, or out on a run, but those moments, those flashbacks, make me so happy to be where I am, and to have been where I"ve been. and to have taken everyone along with me :O)
Here's to a great summer vacation filled with more adventure (although probably cheaper ones, since I"m suriving on a first-year teachers salary). And to moments of reflection and self-discovery. Hope you check in once in a while. I'll work on that pondering thing. More story next time, less mindless wandering.
I'm done with my first year of teaching as of tomorrow. I've completed 9 months, and put them behind me, and in the process met new people and enjoyed new ideas and challenges. I can't say that it has changed me, and perhaps that's a good thing. Perhaps the lack of change this job has caused me is a sign of just how much I am meant to be there. Just how perfect this fit is.
I know that I have a lot to learn as a teacher, but the joy of teaching is learning every day. The joy of teaching comes not only from watching the light bulbs come on over students heads, but also your own. From both those moments of reflection where you are oh-so-excited about this moment of brilliance you had, and those moments when you truly feel you have failed those thirty faces looking back at you. It comes from the constant, minute to minute self-reflection that is required in this job, the cranking of the gears in your brain, as you try to discover whether you have met the needs of all the students, or just a few, if any at all.
It's a frustrating job, and I'm not going to lie to you, I'm tired. I'm burned out from hours of dedicating myself and my work, and pouring my ideas onto paper only to have them work great one hour and then fall flat another. I'm exhausted from the constant demand the students put on me, and the never ending desire to raise the bar even higher, to reach out to new levels, and impact more people. But the exhaustion I feel now isn't the kind I used to get at the end of a day in a cubicle. It's mental exhaustion with a kick back, I impacted someone. I can change the way I did this and it would be better, or I can say things differently next time. Because, although we never get a chance to do things exactly over again, although time moves on, dragging us along with it, we do get the chance to try anew, every hour, every day, which is a constant reminder that life goes on and each hour of every day is equally important. Sometimes I think teaching teaches me more than it teaches the students, and I'm not sure if that's good or not.
But I LOVE learning.
And I'm madly in love with life. Both the smooth days and the ones full of hurdles. Sometimes the latter more so than the former.
And there's my profound pondering that I promised you I wouldn't do. I guess I can't escape it.
Speaking of not escaping - I'll have these flashbacks, when the light hits my sunglasses a certain way, or somebody says something, and suddenly I'm sitting back on the balcony of the school in Spain, looking out at the courtyard below, and feeling so happy to be there. And although it's just a moment, it still leaves me happy to be where I am, despite the fact that I'm not off rambling through some far off country, I may be walking from the car to work, or out on a run, but those moments, those flashbacks, make me so happy to be where I am, and to have been where I"ve been. and to have taken everyone along with me :O)
Here's to a great summer vacation filled with more adventure (although probably cheaper ones, since I"m suriving on a first-year teachers salary). And to moments of reflection and self-discovery. Hope you check in once in a while. I'll work on that pondering thing. More story next time, less mindless wandering.
posted by Chandi at 4:37 PM
1 Comments:
Time does have a way of flying by. What's the saying? "It's how you spend your dash." That refers to the dash between the date you were born and the date you died that goes on your tombstone. But no one tells you how that time actually dashes by. You are spending your dash well. You are impacting the lives of young people in a positive way. You have made them feel good about themselves, made them feel that they are important and capable of great things. I've seen it in their confidence and joy onstage. You gave that to them. No matter how tired or frustrated you are at the end of some days, I know you are filled with joy and the feeling of accomplishment on other days. They gave that to you. It is a wonderful thing to see. Thank you for letting me share in your first year of teaching.
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